Women and Work
My clients are both men and women. The What Coaching Is-And Isn't page is a good starting place to find out about the benefits of coaching and how it works, irrespective of gender.
So why a special page for 'Women and Work'?
I have worked - full-time or part-time, employed or self-employed - all my life. I have been a single parent since my daughter (now 32) was 5 years old. In addition to 1-1 work as as a coach and non-managerial supervisor, much of my training work over the past 23 years has been with women working in organisations. Thus it is not surprising that I welcome the opportunity to support women with the specific issues that impact them - that inform their career and life choices and influence their quality of life.
Everyone 'works'. All women work.
If you are a full-time housewife and/or mother and/or carer you might like to look at this Job Description. The section on Women Returners summarises some of the challenge for women when they decide to return to paid work.
Work-Life Balance
Research shows that women still tend to be the main carers in families – whether for children, aging parents or both – even when they are also working. Even if they don't 'do' everything themselves they are often still the person who organises and plans everything - that there is food to eat, that clothes are clean, that dental appointments are made and kept, that important dates are not forgotten - and much more.
Thus it is hardly surprising that :
“In the plight to juggle a career and a family, 2.6 million women have a mere 34 minutes a day to do as they please. A further 2 million have just 47 minutes a day.” (ICM Poll for Sainsburys Bank 2004).
Based on my experience of working with hundreds of women I would suggest that many would consider 34 minutes a day to themselves a great luxury.
Unfortunately, many women also seem to feel guilty if they ever prioritise time for themselves over other things that need doing - and there is always something that 'needs' doing.
Working out what you want to do with your "one wild and precious life" is what Co-Active Coaching refers to as your "Big "A" agenda.
If you don't feel you have time to think about that now, - when will you have? Is that soon enough?
Your Big "A" agenda is about who you really are, about realising your potential, about what has real meaning for you and what gives you a sense of purpose and fulfilment. It involves an exploration of your values, your passions and your dreams so that you can live a life which is aligned with these values, a life where your choices and decisions are based on the things that really matter to you. It is about being fully alive, fully engaged with your life on a moment-by-moment basis – through all the inevitable highs and lows. Working with your Big ‘A’ agenda can transform your life.
The reality is that most people start working with a coach to address their 'little "a" agenda'. They want some particular aspect of their life to be different, better, than it is. This could be to do with how they earn their living, their relationships at home and/or work, their health, their lifestyle, their stress levels or …… ? Yet time and time again this leads clients to also explore the 'Big A' questions as the quote below indicates :
"When I started coaching I was a pretty anxious person - always worried, weighed down by self-imposed feelings of obligation and stress, and feeling like I wasn't experiencing the joy in life. I came to coaching with the intention of focusing on my career, but it's also been about so much more than that. Through the sessions I've come to understand myself better , have stopped being so self-critical and perfectionist, and feel much more optimistic and energised about life in general. I feel more in control, have taken positive steps so that my focus is now on work that I enjoy, have learnt how to set goals and also how to maintain boundaries on my time"
Coaching provides 'protected' time in which to work with both agendas. Time which most women find almost impossible to access in a consistent way. Even if they start, other things tend to come along and hijack their time and the 'important but not urgent' questions get put to one side again.
My job is undoubtedly to help you to problem-solve and to make the 'little a' changes you want to make. But if you also want to make time for your 'Big A' agenda, it is also my job to ensure that you never lose sight of it.
Increasing Confidence
Prior to delivering a series of 'Develop Yourself, Develop Your Career' workshops for local authority women managers, I always asked them what they wanted to achieve. By far the most commomly stated objectives were "More confidence/self-esteem/self-belief - less self-doubt/anxiety" .
For example, many more women than men appear to suffer from what is called ‘the impostor syndrome’, even women who are highly successful and in very senior positions. Click here if you would like to download a short Impostor Syndrome Questionnaire - and when you’ve completed it, click here to find out more about it.
I think it is true to say that increased confidence and self-esteem is always one of the outcomes of coaching.
"I have recently been promoted to a Senior Service Management position in a Social Services Department. When I started I felt unsure and underconfident in my role, and with some of my peers, so decided to seek some coaching. I have found these sessions to be of tremendous value to me. Lynda has enabled me to reflect, analyse and positively appraise myself and to manage my sometimes over-emotional reactions to certain situations and people. The techniques I have learnt for managing situations, other people and myself have been a powerful addition to my toolkit. I have certainly benefited from coaching and feel able to continue to apply what I have learned in many situations".
Women in Organisations
In recent years a great deal of research has been carried out relating to the particular issues facing women in the workplace, particularly women managers. It reveals that Work-Life balance is not the only issue that women face.
"A typical woman?". An article on the Fawcett Society website called “Just Below the Surface: gender stereotyping, the silent barrier to equality in the modern workplace?” starts with the statement that
"51% of women and men from middle management to director level identify stereotyping as the major hurdle facing women, whilst just 21% cite family commitments."
It contains some quiet shocking quotes. (A number of other interesting reports can be found on the Documents area of their website).
In my experience, many women are very clear about how they have experienced such stereotyping. However, others seem uncomfortable in admitting that there may be any such barriers. They feel they have succeeded on their own merits and do not wish to be perceived as having any 'special needs' due to being a woman. For example, it is common for women who have been 'sent' on women-only training courses to start by saying they don't see the need. It is equally common for them to say at some later point that they would not have felt able to say some of the things they have said in a mixed group. It is often difficult for women to find a forum in which to explore such issues and how to work with them. For the Social Services manager quoted above, a significant issue was being the only woman in the management team and feeling that her approach and style were not valued.
Women Returners
Many women take career breaks when they have a young family and then find the thought of getting back into the workplace quite daunting. They often lack confidence in their abilities, and dread interviews.
A participant on a women returners workshop once said to me "I don't have any skills. For the past 12 years all I've done is help my husband run his business, done the accounts, run a B&B, taken in international students and raised a family".
If you have ever said, or thought, something similar, and have not already downloaded the Job Description mentioned earlier, I’d like to invite you to do so now.
Coaching can help you to :
- Decide what you would really like to do rather than just "getting a job". Do you need any training, would you like to try something new?
- Identify your 'transferable' skills plus those less tangible qualities and strengths that you can take into the workplace.
- Learn and apply stategies for increasing confidence
- Create an active 'job search' plan rather than just hoping that you'll see a suitable advert in a paper or on the web
- Prepare for interviews
- Look at how work will fit into your life as a whole and how you can achive a good work-life balance
- - and much more
Whether you are thinking about embarking on a career for the first time, or changing career direction, the Career Coaching programme may be just what you need.
And finally :
Ten Golden Rules for Every Busy Woman
1. I am not on call to all of the people all of the time
2. I have needs of my own which may not be the same as my family’s, my colleagues’ or my friends’ – and their needs do not always have to take priority over my needs
3. I don’t have to say ‘yes’ to every request that is made of me
4. I don’t have to carry on doing something just because “I’ve always done it”.
5. Time spent relaxing is time well spent
6. There’s no such thing as the ‘perfect wife’, ‘perfect mother’, ‘perfect daughter’, ‘perfect friend’ or ‘perfect child’
7. Time spent feeling guilty could be time spent doing something more useful and enjoyable
8. I don’t always need to ‘do it for them’ if they are quite capable of doing it for themselves
9. I have a right to give myself the same care and consideration that I give to others – and to expect others to show me the same care and consideration that I show to them
10. I will remember at all times, especially if I am being criticised or feeling anxious or experiencing difficulties, that
I am doing the best I can
and
it’s good enough
1. To what extent do you agree with these rules?
2. To what extent do you live them?
3. Is there a gap between 1) and 2)?
4. How can you start to close the gaps?
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