Newsletter No. 21 : How Easily Do You Give Up?

I was recently told about a web site (actually a video on You Tube) of a 'Last Lecture' given by an American professor called Randy Pausch. It was one of a series of lectures where people were asked to give the lecture they would give if it were their last lecture ever. The title of his lecture was "Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams".

One thing he said was :
"Brick walls are there for a reason. They let us prove how badly we want things".

Which is, as we say in coaching, a 'perspective' (see Newsletters 11 & 12 - It Depends How You Look At It).

There are other perspectives that we might have when encountering a seeming brick wall. For example :

• "Well, I knew it wouldn't work out"
• "This brick wall is an 'immovable object'. I might as well give up and stop trying".

One reason that particular quote struck me was remembering that for much of my life
I did tend to give up too easily. I had a powerful Gremlin/Internal Saboteur message that "Nothing works for me" - particularly in relation to things such as finding a good teacher (whether for drumming or meditation), learning a new skill etc.

Years ago my daughter wanted to learn to play the drums. We bought a second-hand drum kit and I decided I'd like to learn too. We had about three or four lessons each and I, to the teacher's not very well-disguised surprise, was doing really well. Then my daughter fell out with the teacher because she wasn't practicing enough (he might have been a good drummer but he wasn't a very good teacher). In support of my daughter I didn't feel I could go on working with him.

So - a brick wall had appeared. I could have said "I'm really enjoying this drumming and I'm good at it so I'll find another teacher". But I didn't. I said "Nothing ever works for me".

It hasn't taken me 20 years to shift that particular unhelpful belief/perspective. But it has taken 20 years to get a drum kit again.

1. Have you encountered any brick walls recently?
2. If so, what was your perspective in relation to it?
3. If the perspective you took means that the brick wall is still in your way, what perspective would you like to work with instead?
4. If you believed that this brick wall was merely a temporary obstacle, what would your next action be to start to remove or get round it?
5. Will you take that action? When?

 The other quote I wrote down when watching the video was :
"I'm dying and I'm having fun and I'm going to keep having fun every day I've got left".

For Randy Pausch it was his last lecture. He has pancreatic cancer and had been given a few months to live. The lecture wasn't about cancer (or living with cancer or surviving cancer). It was about achieving his childhood goals and having fun. I watched all 70 minutes of - not only is he inspirational and funny, he has the most amazing smile! You can see the video here.

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